Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Finding Joy

Yesterday, I was reading about how the Israelites were complaining (again) and how God got mad at them for asking for selfish reasons. As I read that, I stopped and prayed God would forgive me for complaining about this delay and asking for this to happen faster for selfish reasons. Yes, I do believe it's best for Gideon to come home sooner, but I also really wanted him home sooner because I had my expectations and they are not being met. I had my plans for this summer and fall, and now this delay is messing with that! After releasing that, I immediately felt a wave of peace come over me and I have felt that peace ever since.

I am still asking God to bring our little guy home this summer because God wants us to share our hearts with Him. But I've stopped whining and begging to God and tried to have a grateful attitude instead of complaining. I'm sure I will start complaining again (because I'm broken like that!), but maybe I will be able to recognize it quickly and hand it over to God. He doesn't want us to have a spirit of complaining about not getting our way.

I read about how God works in people's lives in amazing ways when they are faithful to Him. I always think it's so cool to read that about other people. But, God wants us to be faithful so He can work amazing things in our lives, too! He doesn't want a few Christians in the game while the rest sit on the bench. This is our chance to grow in our faith and allow God to make us stronger.  I need to embrace this time, knowing that God is using it to change me.   And boy, do I need to be changed!

James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have it's full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

I know God has worked on my heart during this wait.  I think if everything was going perfectly smooth, I would have been consumed in my preparations for bringing a baby into our home.  I’ve still been getting ready, but it’s been more in a practical way.  I’ve been more consumed with seeing God in this.  There have been moments He has revealed things in my heart that, believe me…aren’t pretty.  But, I guess that’s the first step to changing me – making me see where I need to change. 

Hopefully, we will see some movement in the courts this week for abandonment cases.  I know the Ethiopian government is trying to do what is best for these kids.  I am praying this will happen quickly so these kids can get home to their families that are waiting for them. 

We have court on Monday and our paper chain is quickly shrinking.  I’m supposed to be excited as I watch it get smaller and smaller, but I get sad sometimes thinking it could be counting down to the day we won’t pass court.  I’m confused – do I get excited as court gets closer, or do I not???  I am looking forward to seeing families pass court again so I can hope we will pass, too.  Maybe this is the week!


Paul and DeeDee said...

Thank you for this....I needed it.

mandi said...

this was good for me to read. in our trying to get pregnant. something else you had written a while back about having the realization that it's 'not about the baby' but about god's plan for you. i think about this often. realizing that in whatever god has for me, it is perfect. it is in his plan for my life and for how i relate to the world. and you are right. so much good comes from the waiting. it is painfully good.

Are These Kids All Yours? said...

Wayyyyy easier said than done!!!! Still praying that this will pass soon!!! The pain of having to wait is hard, but God is still in control!!! That is the only way to find peace.. your scripture is sooo true, I pray we can follow it.

Sara said...

I completely understand where you are coming from. We are praying for you this week. I can imagine the wild range of emotions you're going through. One of my sisters and I lovingly refer to it as "adoption hormones."

And I'm right there with you on the flopping back and forth between falling on my knees before God and getting the peace I need, and then standing on my own two feet and falling back to the ground. :)