I'm Jealous.

Tony announced yesterday that he talked to our pastor and is planning on going to Africa when they take Moses home.

I want to go.

But - I don't want to leave our kids here while both of their parents take off to Africa. Remember the Mad About You episode where Paul and Jaime were trying to fly to a wedding, but they had to take separate planes? That way, one of them would still be there for their daughter if one of the planes crashed.

Yes - I think like that, too.

I know it's silly.

But, that's not why I am not going. They have a great group of guys all going over there to see the orphanage and school. Moses is sooooo excited that Tony is going to go with him. He was giddy at dinner last night and told Tony all the kids were going to jump on him when he got there. It was really great to see Moses that happy.

Moses has started telling us that he does not want to go back to Africa. It breaks my heart. I am praying that if God wants a family to adopt him, they will be obedient to that call. Tony and I have been praying, and God has really been showing us it is not our family.

I keep reading about how it can be really hard for the first-born (Tate) when a family adopts an older child. I can see that. It would be hard getting demoted as the oldest.

Also, Bear is doing much better and has started talking to him and playing with him, but she's really having to work at it. If she feels uncomfortable with him, how can we bring him in permanently? She would probably get used to it over time, but that is a lot to ask of a little girl.

All of the kids have started asking Tony and me to have another baby, though. Tony asked them if they would like us to adopt, and they were just as thrilled with that possibility. I think the key is that the new sibling would be younger than Bear.

So, we are doing our research. And, saving our pennies. (There's a big reason I am not going to Africa). It looks like Liberia's government has shut down their adoptions for now as they make some changes to the laws. They say it should open up soon, but we'll see.

We have to do something.

I always knew something about Africa having starving children, but for some reason I did not realize I could help. These kids are desperate for help. These parents are desperate for help. When I used to think of Africa, I thought of people living lives just like us, only with less stuff. And, sometimes needing to go to a food center to get help with food.

Now that I have started paying attention, I see that there is horrific stuff going on over there. Things we don't even worry about. That makes sense. Crime and poverty seem to go hand in hand. These people have to worry that someone will break into their homes and kill them at any time. Not to mention lack of medical care, an 80% unemployment rate, and many other things we take for granted. What a horrible way to have to live!

I read the Story of the Starfish in Tom Davis' book, Fields of the Fatherless, and it gave me a new perspective about what I can do to help. I can't do everything, but I can do something.

“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.”~ Helen Keller

Tony gave a review of the Fields of the Fatherless book on his site, if you want to check it out. It really is a good reminder of our need to be compassionate.

We'll see where this adoption process is going. I am amazed at how God works, and He is always full of surprises!