Gathering My Thoughts

I haven’t had the energy to share my thoughts about the past couple of months.  I have been physically and emotionally drained.  I feel like I have used every bit of what I have to offer (which has not been much) just to do what is necessary.  I have had wonderful support and backup from my mom and Tony’s mom, so my family has not suffered.  Tony summed it up over at his blog, so I’m just posting his for now.  Here it is…

Please take a number

We heard from All God’s Children today. They’ve reviewed our dossier and all of our paperwork is in order. Amazing! Well, actually I’m not all that surprised. My wife has been spearheading the documentation phase of our adoption process and she is amazing. When you look at the requirements list for an adoption dossier it is overwhelming. Background checks, reference letters, letters of good health from doctors, and on and on. Ethiopia will have more information on us that we ever knew existed. The odds of getting all of the paperwork collected and getting it all collected right are pretty much stacked against you. However, Mandy handled it all like a pro and we got it done – right. We’ve been at this since October when we heard the call to adopt. Most of the process has been extremely smooth except for trying to get records from Panama that state I have a clean record from 27 years ago when I lived there. See Waiting for a Message. That message finally arrived and here we are, waiting again. We’ve had other trials along the way. Right before Christmas we learned that Mandy had a miscarriage. We did not even know she was pregnant. That was just the beginning. Three trips to the emergency room later, we discovered that it was not just a miscarriage but an ectopic pregnancy. Apparently Mandy became pregnant in late November and had been suffering through an ectopic pregnancy for about a month. The doctor tells us we are extremely fortunate that her tube never ruptured which could have been life threatening. Mandy is still recovering. I don’t understand God’s ways (Isaiah 55:8). Two years ago God convicted us that we never should have made the decision for me to get a vasectomy. We made the decision out of fear and without much prayer. So after much prayer, I had a reversal. We did not make this decision for a desire to have another child. We made it to be obedient. Then this summer, God started working on our hearts to adopt. It started when Moses came to live with us for a couple of months. Then it grew until we knew what God wanted us to do and our hearts fell in love with the orphans in Ethiopia. So if God wanted us to adopt, why did I have to have to have the reversal? I’m not sure. Did I do it out of guilt? No. I actually cried tears of joy on the operating table. Doctor Leverett prayed over us before he started the surgery. His ministry is to provide affordable reversals for Christian couples. It felt like worship (until he actually started…). Why did God allow Mandy to get pregnant only to have the pregnancy become ectopic. If she had a successful pregnancy we would have been ineligible for our adoption and would of had to forfeit our money and dreams for our child in Ethiopia. We did lose a child in the process that we had not even had a chance to dream about yet. I’m not sure if I should feel relief or sorrow. I think I feel both, how’s that? What’s the plan God?

Psalms 25:4-5 (ESV) ⁴ Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. ⁵ Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.

So what’s with the number 18? That’s what number we are in line to get referred to our little boy in Ethiopia. Whoop!